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Friday Night Features by dreamsinstatic

Poetry by bluepuppyeyes99


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Submitted on
December 18, 2012
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Time erases all imprints from memory;
Like footprints in the sand
Everyone leaves a gaping depression
Lasting only a short while before
The wind eventually covers it
Similar to how sand fills an hourglass.
Or waves wash them away
In a manner not unlike
Tears cleansing the eyes.

However, you are the only person I will never forget;
For you have left, not footprints in the sand but,

Footprints in my heart.
I attended my little brother's Gala Evening (since it's his last get-together before he starts high school) and the teachers were all talking about how they'll never see them again and eventually they'll be forgotten. Something one of the new teachers said stuck, and I wrote this poem.

He reminded me that I'm almost at the end of high school - and that no doubt I'll be leaving behind some old friends and making new ones.
So in this poem, I tried to incorporate the idea of friendships drifting apart over time, and also, those that end in bitterness.

But there's always those few special friends that remain with you, even as the years pass us by.
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:iconbloodshotink:
I really like the concept of this piece, but I feel that you could have used a fresher manner to portray the final lines, unfortunately they are too familiar to have an impact, which makes the poem feel either unfinished or unimpressive - when actually you have laid a solid groundwork in the first parts.

I really like "In a manner not unlike" here, it suits the narrative voice and gives a maturity to the voice which allows for the narrators philosophical tone, which is very clever.

I would just look at the punctuation, because a couple of minutes of you looking at where you want the breaks to be saves the reader from having to work out where those breaks are, and means that they won't be distracted from your message.
What do you think?
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:icondreamsinstatic:
dreamsinstatic Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2012
Your fantastic work has been featured in Friday Night Features.
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:iconmystichuntress:
mystichuntress Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you so much :)
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:icondreamsinstatic:
dreamsinstatic Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012
You're welcome.
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:icontamsinrj:
tamsinrj Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This is really good, I adore it. It's so true as well. I only wish I could paint my emotions with my words, so I'll have to let the fave I give unto you do the talking. :)
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:iconmystichuntress:
mystichuntress Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you :)
Why don't you try writing then?
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:icontamsinrj:
tamsinrj Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You're welcome :).

lol. I fail really bad xD. I do occasionally write poems and begin - never finish - stories... and I roleplay. so I do write. I just suck at it xD.
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:iconmystichuntress:
mystichuntress Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
meh it gets better :)
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:icontamsinrj:
tamsinrj Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:)
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:iconsweetfantasyrealism:
SweetFantasyRealism Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
nawww
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:iconmystichuntress:
mystichuntress Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:)
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